Sermon by Rabbi Julie Roth: Queen Esther & Interfaith Marriage

This year, as we prepare to celebrate the holiday of Purim, it might come as no surprise to you that there is one aspect of the Purim story that stands out to me.  In some ways, I’m shocked that I never really focused on it before.  After all, it’s so obvious, but on the other hand, we don’t really talk about it.  (whisper) Esther was married to a non-Jew.  And she’s not just married to any non-Jew.  Esther is married to none other than King Achashverosh, the Ruler of an empire spanning 127 provinces.   And, well, we can’t really say that this interfaith marriage led to the demise of the Jewish People –  quite the opposite.    If Esther had not attained such a level of power and proximity to the throne, the Jewish people could have been destroyed entirely.

* * *

As many of you know, I have spent the last 9 months studying interfaith inclusion as part of a cohort of 21 rabbis from around the country, from the Reform, Reconstructionist, and Conservative Movements.  This Fellowship is sponsored by 18doors, a Jewish national organization that focuses on “empowering interfaith couples and families to connect with Jewish communities and the joy of Jewish living, while inspiring and equipping Jewish leaders and organizations to infuse an ethos of belonging [for interfaith couples and families] into the culture of the Jewish community.”  Our fellowship includes two retreats, monthly seminars and discussion groups, as well as hevruta study and a capstone project.   My capstone project focused on creating a healthy process for Conservative Movement congregations to revisit their membership policies for interfaith families.  For those of you who attended the community conversation this past Sunday or who plan to join us on Zoom this Tuesday night or in person on Sunday, March 22, you will hear me present key learnings from the fellowship that apply to the question of synagogue membership.   But as you can imagine, I couldn’t include all of the things I’ve learned in the last 9 months in that short presentation, so I want to share a few additional insights this morning, inspired by the story of Queen Esther.

* * *

Though Esther was exceptional, for her beauty and her courage, marriage between members of the tribe and members of other tribes has been part of our history since Biblical times.    While the Torah prohibits intermarriage with specific nations who are considered enemies, such as the Canaanites, the Moabites, and the Ammonites, the Torah does not ban intermarriage universally.  And when key Biblical leaders marry non-Israelite women, the Israelite status of their children is simply taken for granted.  For example, Joseph marries an Egyptian woman, Asenath, and their children Ephraim and Menasheh become two of the twelve tribes of Israel.  When we bless our children on Friday nights, we introduce the blessing for boys, with the words, may you be like Ephraim and Menassheh.  Similarly, Moses, marries Tzipporah, a woman from the tribe of Midian, and the Israelite status of his children, Gershom and Eliezer is never questioned.

And while certain restrictions remain for the ger, the non-Israelite living as part of the Israelite community, these non-Israelites were integrated into the life of the community and allowed to participate in a surprising number of rituals, including the celebration of Shabbat and holidays.  For example, in Exodus, the Torah explicitly states that anyone who recalled the story of Passover and the Exodus from Egypt by eating unleavened bread, including the ger, the non-Israelite, was considered a member of ‘adat yisrael’, the congregation of Israel.^[1]  And a non-Israelite who was circumcised was even allowed to partake in eating the Pascal lamb.   Likewise, the ger was allowed to participate in the other two pilgrimage festivals, Sukkot, and Shavuot, and to offer certain types of personal sacrifices.^[2]   And right there in the Ten commandments, the ger is included in the mitzvahto remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.  When we recite the full Shabbat morning Kiddush, we quote this verse that spells out specifically the the non-Israelite, along with our sons and daughters, is prohibited from working on the seventh day.^[3]  Finally, the ger was not only included in the community – through key rituals and protections in civil law – but welcomed and embraced, even loved.  In Leviticus, we are told “the ger who resides with you shall be to you as your citizens; v’ahvta lo kamocha, you shall love each one as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”^[4]

* * *

In the Book of Esther itself, there is no negative judgment made about Esther marrying outside her faith.  And though Mordecai was a religious Jew, he was also somewhat assimilated into Persian culture, much like we are as American Jews today. Some traditions state that both Modecai and Esther were named after pagan deities, Marduk and Ishtar.  But later Jewish tradition would develop a discomfort with Esther marrying the Persian King, and go through great interpretive lengths to explain that Esther was forced to marry King Achashverosh against her will.  After all, the story of Esther talks about the king’s edict to gather all the women for a beauty contest, and Esther was “taken” to the palace with the other women.^[5]   Whether or not she volunteered for this opportunity, or was taken by force, is left to interpretation.  But there is no evidence in the megillah of Esther’s resistance to marrying King Achashverosh – quite the opposite.   She was found to be pleasing and won the favor of those around her.^[6]   But the desire to distance Esther from this marriage is found in Talmud and the Zohar.  The Talmud says that Esther was actually married to Mordecai, creating its own set of complications.   And the Zohar, in its imaginative thinking, has an even more far-fetched explanation.  The Zohar says “that the Shekhinah [the Divine presence] concealed Esther’s soul and sent another soul in its place, so that when King Ahasuerus slept with Esther, he wasn’t sleeping with the real Esther.

* * *

This tendency to see interfaith marriage in a negative, rather than positive or neutral light, is a newer phenomenon, historically speaking.  In Biblical times, whether in the Torah or the Book of Esther, marriages between Jews and non-Jews or between Israelites and non-Israelites were more acceptable than in later times of persecution or assimilation.   And in America today, when interfaith marriage rates in the Jewish community have risen to new heights, this narrative can also be painted in a positive or negative light.  One of the most fascinating presentations during my fellowship was made by Dr. Sarah Benor, a professor of contemporary Jewish studies at Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles.

She began her presentation with a famous chart from the 2020 Pew study on American Jews, illustrating the increase in interfaith marriage rates over the past several decades, culminating in an often quoted statistic that 72% of non-Orthodox Jews today marry partners from a different background.  Her presentation then focused on the question of whether this statistic was alarming or encouraging.  She explained that studies could be interpreted in different ways, telling different stories.  We can either focus on the decline in Jewish enagagement that can result from interfaith marriage rates or the increase in the Jewish population overall resulting from expanded Jewish families.  Likewise, interfaith marriage can be understood as bad for the Jewish community or a positive indication of Jewish acceptance in America.   In our discussion, we were called on to consider whether or not “we must begin to reorient our perspective to emphasize that the Jewish community in the United States is not eroding and disintegrating, but rather American Jewish culture is vibrant and creative and thoroughly American.”^[7]

* * *

At the heart of the celebration of Purim is a story that can be told in different ways.  One way of telling the story, according to Rabbi Robyn Frisch, former director of the 18doors rabbinic fellowship, is that Esther’s marriage to King Achashverosh should “be held out as a positive example to interfaith couples.”  “By marrying a man who wasn’t Jewish, and ultimately, “coming out” to her husband, the king, as a Jew, Esther saves her people.”  And yet, there is a caveat. In Rabbi Frisch’s view, “the only thing Esther should be faulted for in the story is hiding her Jewish identity and later hesitating to tell the King that she is Jewish, though she does this because she fears that the king may have her killed.”  The problem Rabbi Frisch asserts, is not with Esther’s intermarriage, but with keeping her Jewish identity a secret.^[8]  I am more torn on the topic, but have felt for many years now that the focus should not be on interfaith marriage itself, but on cultivating Jewish identity and Jewish families.

As we prepare to celebrate Purim, let us consider the positive side of the story of interfaith marriage in the Purim story and in our lives, let us tell the story of the myriad ways mixed heritage families already strengthen the Shomrei community.  “U’mi yodeiah im kaet hazot”, And “who knows”, if interfaith families have arrived to help us “in just a time like this one.”^[9]

Shabbat Shalom.

Chag Purim Sameach

A special thanks to the Hartman Institute for inspiring some of the thinking in this sermon.

^[1] Exodus 12:19

^[2] See Deut 16:10-11; Deut 16:13-14; 31:12 and Num 15:14-16; Num 15:26-30.

^[3] Exodus 20:10

^[4] Leviticus 19:34.

^[5] Esther 2:8

^[6] Esther 2:9.

^[7] Goldscheider 2004.

^[8] Rabbi Robyn Frisch, ‘How an interfiath wedding couple made me thing about Queen Esther’s marriage’.

^[9] Esther 4:14.

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